Nadia Nicole, Deconstructed.

i live for glitter not you ;)

2012-02-07T03:50:00.000-08:00

Hello Blogspot!

Well it seems as though I've abandoned you long enough. Once , i thought of starting off with a brand new blog but then i decided not to. Too many memories to leave behind, with too little time. Starting off on a blank slate didn't feel like what i wanted. So here i am, starting fresh and baring my soul, back in an old journal.

And yes, sorry i cheated on you for Tumblr >.< but nothing comes close to your own words. With this Blogspot, i know my whirlwind of thoughts and words are solely mine and mine alone. I'm stripped bare right down to the core. So it feels authentic

Until i think of something smarter to say..adieu.

Love,
Nadia Nicole.

change.

2011-08-17T03:20:00.001-07:00

I think I've definitely changed.

But it's for the better :)

release.

2011-08-05T12:37:00.000-07:00

I don't want a perfect person, I just want someone to act silly with, someone who treats me well &;

loves being with me more than anything.

Oh well. Wherever you are.

Okay time to restart lectopia since i'm awake now.

funny girl.

2011-08-03T19:37:00.000-07:00

There was a little girl, with a bookcase for a heart. Whose dusty, lonely shelves, longed for swan songs to impart. And came a dawn hued book, with pages stained which dwell, in worlds of wondering whimsy, which reality could not quell. With lashes softly crotched, around lyric violet eyes, the little girl looked up, to tug boats clearing skies.

A night where stars would fly, instead of tarnished fall. And where a bookcase for a heart, was not a bad thing after all.

2011-07-31T21:56:00.000-07:00

You ask; He gives. You cry; He listens. You call; He runs. You sin; He forgives. You repent; He forgets. You knock; He opens. You attend; He welcomes. You nag; He hears. You request; He accepts. You questions; He solves. You plea; He resolves. You take; He provides. You insist; He grants… Everything you do, is about you… and everything He does, is about you… So ‘which of the favours of your Lord can you deny?’ (Surah Ar-Rahman, 55:18)

=)

2011-07-30T07:49:00.000-07:00

"Women are not created weaker but more generous than men. They are created more beautiful and less fierce, as beauty hates to hurt and harm others. That is why they seem weak to people, but in reality they are not. Angels are the strongest of created beings, and women are closer to the angelic nature than men, as they are readier than men to carry angelic light. It is the good manners and ethics of spirituality which they carry which makes them less forceful than men. Even physically, however, they are extremely strong. They undergo great upheavals in their body without flinching for the sake of childbirth, and face the direst physical conditions more successfully than men because God has enabled them to ensure the survival of generations."

Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him)

You Made My Day! =)

2011-07-29T18:08:00.000-07:00

THIS made my day.

Can you say epic win? ;)

xoxo,
nadia nicole.

why can't this happen before i sleep?

2011-07-28T22:10:00.000-07:00

Today in class, i stretched my back. Left, right and forward.

Then a miracle happened. My bra unhooked itself.

And there wasn't any washroom nearby... so i couldn't really do much except sit quietly in my seat and pray that no more wardrobe malfunctions would happen .

Nasib baik sweater tebal. Phew.

If only i could do this every night before i fall asleep, I'd be just...

and if you wanna get smart for the sake of your heart, you should own your name and stand up tall, =)

2011-07-28T05:01:00.000-07:00

Before :

After:

Today:

Oh, and uh, maybe this is what you're looking like now:

I'm going to hold my head up high and smile. =)

What do muscles do when they're torn? Grow back stronger.

And its true! I'm feeling a lot better and happier already, no lie. =)

Tomorrow's Friday!

xoxo,
nadia nicole.

ps: if any of the images appear frozen, right click and open link in new tab, ;)

2011-07-27T03:15:00.001-07:00

it so happened that...

2011-07-24T05:15:00.000-07:00

Once , my friend compared me to Vanessa Anne Hudgens's character in Beastly.

Didn't realise how many things we had in common till i actually watched the movie during my flight yesterday. Let's start with the really basic stuff:

(a) We both do the whole t-shirt and jeans.

(b) We're both freaky little music addicts.

(d) We're both on scholarships.

(e) We like to see, and believe, in the better side of people; no matter how horrid they could possibly be.

(f) We're both suckers for the old-fashioned ways of courting a girl, eg: writing long letters, long walks together, flowers etc.

(g) We never judge people by what they look like on the outside, (:

(h) I think we both have pretty "colourful" childhoods. But we tolerate it out of love for our parents.

(i) We can get pretty fiesty and fiery when provoked.

(j) We don't reaaally fit in with your classic stereotype characters.

(k) Argh. and we're both middle class people.

(l) We're sweet..... most of the time. ;)

But oh well, that's just what i think. Kinda freaky watching someone very much like you on screen.

And OMG Vanessa and I are both mixed. Not quite related but still, [0.0] worthy.

But that was such a cheesy movie though.. damn, does that make me cheesy? Bah.

Oh well. Tomorrow's the first day of class! Let's start fresh and get some shut-eye soon. Ah should probably watch Dostana later ><. Lights out!

xoxo,

nadia nicole.

:O

2011-07-22T03:13:00.000-07:00

my 13-year old cousin is already starting to grow a moustache...

No!!!!!

my pot of gold.

2011-07-21T22:54:00.000-07:00

My tiny bed,

the heat,

the smiles.

memories, good and bad

The warmth of home.

quiet evenings, quiet afternoons.

fruit juice. nasi lemak. vegetarian food. eurasian food.

late nights in front of my computer watching movies, cartoons, chatting and listening.

i'm the luckiest girl in the world because i've found my pot of gold. and i'm not ready to leave all this.

so many feelings i don't know where to begin.

sssh. i'll be home before i know it. i'll be back. everything will be fine, :)

time for selfless devotion to work starting Monday x.x

don't tell anyone, but..

2011-07-21T08:41:00.000-07:00

the way he repeats things often.. its come to a point of scaring me.

i wonder what's gonna happen when i'm not around to look out for them.

it scares me.

tomorrow's already Friday. i don't wanna leave Malaysia yet =(

so watch me dance in the mirror, dance.

2011-07-20T18:41:00.000-07:00

"So many girls are just out there looking for love. Why?! If you’re in love with someone, you don’t need to frantically search, stressing yourself out and causing yourself to cry every night. If you’re in love with someone, you dont need to search at all. They’ll find you. I mean, so many girls are searching for a boy to call their own. I can honestly say that if you forget about that boy who doesn’t deserve you, and just appreciate life, it will create some amazing times. Yes, wayyyy more amazing than crying yourself to sleep every night because one boy ruined your day/days. Look at your age right now. Ask yourself this: Does this boy really deserve me? Am I wasting my time trying to get through to someone who doesn’t even care? Do I see myself with him in the future? Girl, you are young like me and stressing ourselves out over one guy is pathetic when there are millions of guys out there that would kill to date a beautiful girl like you."

This. Best advice ever.

So pick yourself up little girl and get out there! No more tangles and no more drama! I wanna do well in my studies and that's priority one ^^. The rest can come later. I'll be successful on my own terms first before i get attached to anyone , ^^.

Going out to meet some friends soon so that means i should get ready.

xoxo,

nadia nicole.

Small But Far From Fragile.
So underestimate me if you want..
I don’t have to prove anything to you :)

then you go and cut me down, but wait.

2011-07-19T19:12:00.000-07:00

I still believe in summer days, the season always change, and life will find a way.

***

in a very strange way i'm looking forward to the upcoming semester.

but i'm heading back to Brisbane with a ton of mixed feelings.

i feel like I've lost one of my best friends. he'll probably never see this but he doesn't know how much it hurts. i couldn't even breathe or sleep properly last night because of what went on between us.

Funny how you think you know someone, and then , something happens to change everything you thought you knew. and now it feels like a major chunk of my heart has gone missing.

and now we're strangers, again. before anything could even begin.

why?

only when i'm bored.

2011-07-09T12:11:00.000-07:00

the sound recorder tool is extremely useful, =).

but , i'm a happy girl... i think?

2011-07-05T09:57:00.000-07:00

So I checked my results.... which i received in my e-mail 30 mins after midnight..

And....

It turns out I got through the courses i need in order to proceed to next semester ^^. Yes, surprisingly got through chem, don't know how, but did (THANK GOD!). Hati pun senang. Kan? Kan? Kan?

Aha!

But wait, there's more! (And here's the catch)

Turns out the biomed course i did isn't even a requirement for microbial tech. Its not an elective, and its not a compulsory course.

So what does that mean?

Congrats Nad! Looks like you'll be doing summer semester to make up for that missing course!

Shit....why why why WHY did i NOT realise this earlier! X.X

Hopefully i can come back for Christmas, even if its a short while.... =(

Conclusion: I'm grateful, contented, and happy but still i feel that pinch of argh! ><

Naww. I'm leaning more towards thankful.. i think.

Singapore here i come! I'mma make the best of the holiday while it lasts =D

alhamdulillah. things could have gone worse, but it didn't. thank You, =)

a post with one question.

2011-07-02T05:45:00.001-07:00

Stuck in the same place I've always been, and I'll keep wondering, when will my life begin?

the remedy.

2011-05-16T04:10:00.000-07:00

Step 1:

Step 2:

Step 3:

so neat and tidy now, = )

discovering how awesome last fm really is!

okay let's do some biochem, ^^.

2011-05-10T02:40:00.000-07:00

from the phone conversation i just had with my mum,

i learnt that this morning, for one hour, my grandpa couldn't remember what he was doing, he was agitated because he didn't know where he was going or that he was supposed to have his coffee.

an hour later he was okay. he was laughing.

now 4 of his teeth have fallen off. and he's not so good with roads like he used to be.

my mum did mention that my grandma suspects its the first signs of alzheimer's.

its not confirmed or anything, but its possible.

i just cried on the phone.

i just..i can't believe something like this is happening so close to home.

shit. i can't do my work like this. not like this, not right now.

i feel very distraught.

i'm calling him right now.

right now.

2011-05-07T16:42:00.000-07:00

and people wonder why i have trust issues .

this could actually be a good life, only if we want it to be.

2011-04-26T11:24:00.000-07:00

"Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition." - Marilyn Monroe

Its autumn once more. 3.24 am now, and i don't feel like sleeping. Tired? Yes, i am. But still so restless. And also, I don't want to miss the sunrise , with its sweet and golden rays like honey soaking up the room bit by bit. Sunrise always reminds me of how my mum or dad would usually wake me up when i was younger before i'd go to school or go for any balik kampung trips , and how i always requested for an extra 10 minutes...

And there's also something very je ne sais quoi about sunrises that make them so invariably romantic too, just like sunsets. How ironic that all this is coming from someone like me, who isn't a morning person, not by a long shot. Hmm.

I have come, over time, learnt to love this place so dearly, its busy streets, its fresh scent of coffee, its lush green surroundings, and quiet corners of contemplation.

The first few moments when i'm starting to wake up, i imagine what the world around me looks like, in my head. But its a world that isn't real. Nothing takes its true form - those green trees could be something else, those white clouds could be fuzzy marshmallows floating in thin air. I love it when this happens - it makes everything feel so dreamy and unreal. As if I could reach out to hold those trees, and they'd all just evaporate into smoke. Like I'm still in a dream and all is possible if I want it to be.

I am guessing it's somewhere around 17 degrees now. It's cold and I'm almost completely wrapped like a piece of candy in my comforter - wishing very, very badly for a heater. Or at least someone warm to hug. I hate it that I can't stand the cold, as much as I long for it, and how my feet are constantly cold even after putting socks on - I hate it that I am sometimes so weak. No, not hate -maybe just annoyed. Yeah.

Did I tell you autumn is my favourite season? I might have before, but here's why. Its because everything's just so muted. It's like living in a nostalgic sepia-toned picture, everything so classic - so elegant. Like I'm moving through this 1930s movie where everything lives in a constant loop of slow motion.

Now everyday is a cycle of work, classes, assignments, studying, exams, breathing, walking fast, cooking and photography (whoa, for a minute i forgot how to spell it) squeezed somewhere in the middle. I suppose it is the sort of life I have become accustomed to and grown to accept as the only kind of life possible .

There's a pair of invisible hands strapping me down to gravity, grabbing me by the wrist, compelling me to work by the hour, to achieve what is needed, to live by these expectations.There was a time I did things on my own terms, for my own satisfaction, move at my own pace, do whatever I like however I like it. Not afraid of failure, just liberating myself, just floating.

When was the last time i honestly , honestly did something for myself, without worrying about the consequences? In fact, how much is there that i do for myself, and only myself?

Tomorrow I choose to float . It will be a good float, a satisfying kinda float. I guess there's this gap you fill, when you start doing all the things you love for all the right intentions. Just me, being the most sincere self I could be - it's freeing.

This is random, but Extra-Terrestrial by Katy Perry has been stuck in my head for some time now. Not sure why. Tyler Ward's version a'int too shabby either.

I suddenly feel like leaving my room , grabbing my camera , putting on my runners and take a jog quietly by myself. Just around the neighbourhood.

I want to take photographs now, damn it. To just capture everything as it is right here, right now. I want to see everything raw, pure and honest.

But of course, for a girl to be out and about by herself at this hour isn't a very smart thing to do, so i'll stick with my bed instead.

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere

crazy on a Sunday night ^^

2011-04-24T06:59:00.000-07:00

really i think my updates these days lack the proper depth i know i could give it. but still, i want to write something here anyway, for the sake of remembering =)

***

so.

bioc prac report is pretty much taken care of.

biol journal assignment however, needs more work. i've only come up with a very rough, first draft. still needs plenty of smoothening out.
(meh .its a 13 page article that needs to cut down to 2 pages max. siao lo, =.=)

but on the bright side, its due on May 13th ^^.

tomorrow, the plan is , to catch up on lecture notes. and lectopia, yes.

i think i'm feeling a little more hyper than usual because i had a double dose of coffee today, ><. but oh, how unproductive a task like sleep feels! if only i didn't need that time to reset my brain. a part of me still feels like a stubborn little girl who simply refuses to sleep, because it just feels so... boring.

meh. but that's just me. anyway, look look! the night is young, and here i am still wide awake! awake enough to know that i shall resume my studies tomorrow when i will have the whole house to myself when the rest go to Gold Coast woohoo, ^^. I want to do some shopping at Harbour Town, so hopefully by skipping the trips to the theme parks that cost about 60 bucks for the whole day, i'll be a bit less broke when i head on out to Harbour Town.

as for tonight, well , i've decided to spend some time with this:

warning: fangirl mode coming up.

oh my,my,my what have we here....so much pretty going on...

Yes ! Its Vampire Knight, ^^. And now I've finally downloaded the complete season 1 and 2 , i hope to finish watching it tonight.

Confession: I'm torn between Zero and Kaname. They're both total opposites of each other, but .....

....

...

THEY'RE SO HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And also there's a bit of a forbidden romance between them and the heroine (2 guys chasing her WTH!) which makes the plot all the more interesting to watch and squeal over despite the cheesiness of it all , ^^

even though the girl is a bit of a dumb blonde (figuratively speaking, not literally. she has brown hair), i'll still entertain it anyway because Zero and Kaname are so... nice to look at , = ^_^ =

OH LORDY.

HOW TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THEM. HOW?!?!

i think Tuxedo Mask takes a back seat now, uh oh, :O

speaking of Tuxedo Mask...

*checks torrent*

Sailormon ( episode 1-200) : 87.6% downloaded.

yosh!

Isn't it great to know that you don't have to go for class on a Monday for the first time in ages , ;p. What a feeling.

xoxo,

♥♥♥ nadia nicole.

the story so far.

2011-04-17T03:02:00.000-07:00

Ta-da. Yes i'm on Tumblr as well, apparently. Sometimes i feel like Tumblr knows me better, even though the words and images aren't mine. But then again, I couldn't do without Blogger because then my careless words would have no where to run to.

And that was how my Friday night was spent, snuggling in bed with my computer, ^^

Wow. Yesterday , at 7.02 Malaysian time, i turned 21. I honestly imagined that I would be such a different person from when i was a mere child, but honestly I feel like the same person. Like the same girl who I've always been since forever, and i guess that's honestly not such a bad thing, =)

Hmm. Didn't do anything academic related yesterday or today and i didn't feel the least bit guilty! Which... isn't good actually. But I don't really want to care now that I haven't got any assignments due yet. This previous week has been bloody mental. Glad that its done with now, ^^

Today went out to Vapiano to meet up with Irene ( phew, thanks for nothing Google Maps! In the end sesat jugak! Sheesh! Lucky thing Irene found me). Beautiful Italian food for a very affordable price, =). Had a free lunch because:

-- Irene offered to buy me lunch.
-- The cashier didn't register my purchase for some reason. SO technically Irene didn't have to pay! :D, after lunch we just ended up gallivanting at Garden City. Finally something that even slightly resembles like a shopping mall in Malaysia! Had such fun!

Might get an early night tonight after i print out my lecture notes and look through some assignments due next month. Cheerio!

xoxo,
♥ nadia nicole.

its been a while hasn't it?

2011-04-15T00:12:00.000-07:00

Hello blog. Yes i know how badly you deserve an update. Its been so long since i've written anything here! So here goes.

1. Currently I'm watching this movie called Gone With the Wind. Its a classic , all the way back from 1939. If you aren't familiar with this movie, then maybe these pictures might ring a few bells.

Don't know about you, but that's how i got to know about the movie. Clark Gable surely isn't a gentleman in this movie. In fact i think he's a bloody rogue. But damn the man's such a handsome devil and has class, ♥♥ The movie won plenty of awards. It came on tv2 the other day i think but we were going out so i never got to watch the whole thing. Its set during the time of the Civil War, and think American old South upper class. Vivien Leigh plays a terribly manipulative woman, but she makes it all the more fun to watch.

2. So happy I've finished all my high-priority assignments, ^^. Now I'm planning to just enjoy the weekend and relax. I'll start working on my biol assignment on sunday maybe and hopefully finish my other remaining assignments before Easter break kicks in.
Nothing else to say for now so toodles!

xoxo,
♥ nadia nicole.

oomph.

2011-04-04T05:23:00.000-07:00

Reza Salleh's For Her + Nescafe + Class Starting at 12 pm tomorrow = oomph.

let's go baybeh! miao!

*yes . this is so random. i know, =D

sabar je lah.

2011-03-30T03:01:00.000-07:00

she stole my points, just like that. and made me look like a complete fool.

even after i tried repeatedly to fix the problem, she wouldn't even give me a chance.

and the way she kept saying "trust me" for at least 10-15 times.

i knew i shouldn't have.

i shouldn't have given an "i'm tired" excuse because i was downright pissed after the presentation. i should've just said "i'm pissed, because even after discussing, you simply used the points you knew i was going to say. i can't believe i even agreed to help you with work you should've done yesterday, instead of an hour before the presentation. and instead of letting me fix the situation with the graph, you stubbornly refused to let me go anywhere near the computer to even try. the only thing you did was complain about how tired and hungry you were. thanks a lot, bitch."

Gave her the silent treatment for the rest of the class.

Because honestly,

Rant session over. Time to get back to chemistry, =]

xoxo,

♥ nadia nicole.

thoughts that go through my head when i'm having my period.

2011-03-26T07:59:00.000-07:00

1. aw i woke up in a pool of my own blood , how cute.

2. I'M GONNA DIE!

3. there goes the cute underwear.

4. why wasn't i just born a guy?

5. WTH WHY WAS I BORN ANYWAY?!

6. I want to just hide under my blanket and cry! And eat dark chocolate!

7. Leave me alone, why don't you! Insult or annoy me and I will kick your butt straight to Timbuktu!

8. OW OW OW, my insides feel like they're being clawed out or something and i'm gonna faint really soon unless someone catches me...

That's how crazy my period makes me feel sometimes. The crazy stuff usually happens in the first 3 days.

After that I'm back to normal.

I guess I say the weirdest things at night don't I? Heh.

And another thing,

Elizabeth Taylor passed away recently. I wonder why people kick up a fuss and pay her tributes when she's dead and gone, and not when she's alive? Its baffling really, how much we treasure people only after they're dead and not as much when they're alive. Ironic.

Watching Titanic now, before i close my eyes and go to sleep.

Favourite scene?

Definitely that....and the ending, of course, :)

xoxo,

♥ nadia nicole.

a beautiful rainy Saturday.

2011-03-19T00:37:00.000-07:00

how often does it happen right? a perfect rainy evening indoors.

so peaceful, with everything moving at a slower pace.

so why should i waste a day as gorgeous as this on studying, right?

i deserve to have some fun and spend the rest of the day watching some cheesy anime!

yes, necessary, ^^.

found out i have the ability to spare Whittaker's chocolate for just slightly over a month in the fridge, in cases of emergency. had a bit today, because i was bored, hungry and tired.

and now, i'll be off to hunt for cheesy anime.

sayonara, till we meet again,

♥ nadia nicole.

ps: sorry i haven't been updating this space as much as i'd love to. i secretly think uni is slowly turning me into their overworked and underpaid scullery maid, T.T.

livin la vida loca.

2011-03-09T07:33:00.000-08:00

something about the night-time,

makes everything look so much more beautiful.

it gets even more beautiful when it starts to rain slightly too.

that's when you realise you've found the perfect antidote to 2 cups of french coffee that have kept you wide awake and high on Mendelssohn, Brahms, and Tchaikovsky. And oh, the full soundtrack from Black Swan, which is really a lot like Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake.

8 am start tomorrow,

Finishing at 10am.

Need to go to the city, to get a new phone, because my current one has suddenly gone kaput.

Better yet, maybe if i find someone who knows how to fix it, it would save me all the trouble.

Till next time,

xoxoxo,

♥ sleepy girl.

pedih.

2011-03-07T03:30:00.000-08:00

mata kiri kena infection liao.

aiseh, pedih. tearing up because of the sting practically every 5 minutes .

wa beh tahan, but what to do? haih. pedih.

been thinking.

2011-03-06T05:05:00.000-08:00

1. Skyped with my grandparents and mum today. Dad still hasn't figured out how to get Skype on his computer.

2. It makes me laugh and completely stuns me at the same time , looking at how some people are willing to spend an outrageous amount of money on clothes, jewellery, etc. I mean, really, is it all so necessary? If there's one thing, i think that no matter how much money you have, it'll be pointless if you don't have style.

3. Having said that, nothing compares to finding the perfect summer dress for $10. ^^

4. Of course, the only reason for its unbelievably low price is because now summer is turning into autumn over here and that the all the shops are trying to get rid of all their clothes stock for summer.

5. I'm planning to go back to Malaysia in July, and so far , just looking at the price of the flight ticket back is so ... painful. Currently: AirAsia stands at AUD371, and MAS at AUD562.84. One way. Catch is, my mum wants me to go back via MAS, and even with the extra cash (which, i hope i won't have to use for about 10 weeks ++), it feels like a major, herculean hole is burning up in my wallet.

6. Kecundang tak . In fact, this is a case of kecundang to the max. You figure out how to make some money and suddenly it goes poof into thin air. Oh well, siapa suruh hangpa bukak mulut cakap " No don't worry I don't need the extra money, I can do it on my own, and I don't want to use your money since its triple over here, yakyakyakyakkityyak". Meh. Grin and bear it, chickadee.

7. Okay i know I'd look kinda weird if did my hair like the one top left. But the rest look pretty awesome!

8. If i could have it my way, I know I'd wake up in the morning to freshly brewed coffee and Juanes serenading me with his song Regalito, because i know if i heard it long enough, i'd eventually get annoyed by it and wake up. Immediately.

9. Oh shite, lecture at 8 tomorrow. I should be in bed by now, =s.

10. Meh. Play Kanye West's "Stronger", and everything will be fine.

11. Why do people feel the need to end things at the number 10?

12. Last night i dreamt I was a mermaid. Wham. It was pretty weird though, how it ended. I ended up getting frozen in a deep blue ocean and I couldn't run away. Then I woke up. I wonder what that dream meant?

13. Why hello now darling autumn, I'm so glad you're back, ♥

14. Alamak. Cicak spotted near my place. That's it, now i need a small table to put in my room and study there instead like how i did in INTEC during sem 3.

15. Argh, why is my stomach making strange noises now why, :O. Sometimes my stomach is weird. Like, when i get hungry or something, I feel like my stomach has dropped down to the level of my rectum or something. like something suddenly went plop-plop-plop.

16. Okay.... that sounded so wrong.

17. Lol.

18. I decided to drop CHEM2002, which i didn't fancy one bit as it involved a lot of kinetic based calculation problems, to take BIOL2200 instead. Which so far, appears way cooler. It like an in-depth study about cell structure and function. Today in the recorded lecture I learnt about this called Cordyceps. Ah, I have such trouble remembering that word! But its pretty cool though (in a weird way). Apparently its a kind of disease where a mushroom acts as a parasite and grows on an ant. Think brain control. And the mushroom doesn't immediately kill off the ant either. It continues to live off the ant until it gets near a food source, and THEN kills off the ant. Ganas tak the mushroom, =s

19. I heard that the creator of Google makes about $76000 per hour. How whacked out is that.

20. Sometimes, being top-heavy is both an asset and a liability. ( oh well, most of the time an asset anyway. and its been written somewhere that girls who are on the busty side tend to be smarter. read this. )

21. I feel the need to take photographs of this house. I think I will one of these days. I love this place so much, its so beautiful in so many ways. Its like a dollhouse big enough for 5 girls, and possibly more. There's something very vintage about this house. The design of the bathrooms, the switches, the fireplace. Even the water heater is vintage, because we have to (literally) take a lighter and start up the electric heater thingy outside. Oh yeah, this place even has a garage, for our non-existent car!

22. My IKEA lookalike bed is calling me.

23. I want to go walking on a beach one of these days.

24. Downloaded Glee music. Sweet.

25. In love with coffee, all over again.

26. You can drown in this big city, you can be mesmerized by everything massive. I am taken in with everything that seemed larger than life. But when I go to bed I only wish for the simple things, for the little things that matters and somehow still find a way to exist in everything else that has gotten difficult.

24. If these walls could speak, what would these red seasoned bricks have to share?

25. Been singing "The Only Exception" to myself a lot these days. Hmm.

26. Goodnight Brisbane.

xoxo,

♥ nadia nicole.

come on let your colours burst.

2011-03-04T07:31:00.000-08:00

Well, the last time i posted anything up here was on February 19th so lets see if I can come up with anything good from my photo stash,

Those photos are just some snapshots of South Bank in Brisbane, on a random Friday night out, =).

moving out!

chickpea salad and bubble tea!

now you know if there isn't at least one vain picture of myself, then it definitely isn't me blogging here, =p

oh. textbooks.

forms for PASS.

my timetable.

finally figured out how to take a snapshot of my iPhone screen. lol.

steamed vegetables for lunch.

and a little something something from home,

Will update properly when I can think of something clever to say here! And yes, its finally getting cold here, =D

xoxo,

♥ nadia nicole.

foot note: i had no idea there really was such a thing called a sotong bra. seriously. =s. but the explanation makes sense though.

hmm..

2011-02-19T17:34:00.000-08:00

since coming back here,

there suddenly seems to be so many things to do.

oh my.

=s

no one, no one, no one, can get in the way of what I'm feeling.

2011-02-16T08:50:00.000-08:00

you know that if you cry, i'll cry too. but i'll do my best not to disappoint you, i promise.

ya Allah ya Tuhanku, kau lindungi dan selamatkanlah keluargaku dari

bala atau perkara buruk sepanjang ketiadaanku.
amin.

xoxo,

♥ nadia nicole.

fall apart or hold on tight.

2011-02-14T22:17:00.000-08:00

"thought I could keep myself from feeling this way,

i guess that was my first mistake.

and i escaped in the only way i knew how."

the music intensified, and the scared child peered out the curtain anxiously.

their judgmental stares and nudging expectations intertwined in her head like that of delicate spider webs.

she put her insecurities aside and hid them in a tiny box no one would ever find. if her heart could cry, what would you find? a soft longing, a bitter solitude? ah, but it was burdened by tears the eyes promised not to weep.

the violins played on, and slowly its sounds transformed from light and demure to dark and powerful. the lines of right and wrong had blurred beyond recognition and no one could tell her what to do.

and now the piano played a deep, complicated sonata . her cue to move and get out there.

it had not been a mere coincidence that she was finally able to leave behind the past that she had once endearingly held on to, to part ways with personal desires. she wasn't afraid of lightning anymore, or what it reminded her of. she silenced the numerous blows of rage that had happened in her past. and she forgave those who hurt her. for courage does not find its way to those who shy away from it.

at some point, maybe she'll be able to look back at the things that were, and forgive herself for growing up.

She stretched her legs and extended her arms as a gleeful smile shot across her face. A hint of unwavering faith lies underneath the playfulness of her smile. It was about time to dance , and light up the sky.

If hope gets me through the day, then I shall continue to wonder in endless nights until my dreams become too heavy for these tired shoulders to bear.

let's go slow dancing one day, you and me.

2011-02-13T07:39:00.000-08:00

1. Had a super fun day out today with Ach and Diba, ^^. It was so great seeing them after what must've been a year or more. =]

2. Saw aunty Audry and had her over at gran's house.

3. Oh yeah, tomorrow's Valentine's day. Happy Valentine's day!

4. Btw Cupid, next time i hope you help me meet a wonderful man who won't give me his 20%, 40% or 60% of his heart. I want 100%, and i won't put up with anyone who'll be reckless with mine, ever.

5. Mum took me bra shopping at La Senza. Damn I still don't get how some people find thongs ( as in undies, not footwear ) comfortable.

6. I LOVE TUTTI FRUTTI! <3 <3 <3

7. Valentine's day is and has always been one of those days where couples will seem to be all over the place. But I'll wait for my turn, whenever that is. The flowers, romantic candlelight dinners and movies. and slow dancing too. someday. But i guess the most important thing is that it has to be someone who will not make me feel like a chore . Someone who won't be too busy for me, and will regularly check on me. I want to know that I'm something he looks forward to, good day or bad day, and that I'm not being taken for granted.

8. I have 2 novels to read. I've no idea what made me buy them when i was well aware i'll be going back to study in Brisbane. Too damn hypnotised. Tch.

9. Going to dream of Colin Firth or Clive Owen tonight. Whee, ^^

10. Superwoman-- Alicia Keys. Bam.

xoxo,

♥ nadia nicole.

oooh so badass.

2011-02-12T06:51:00.000-08:00

apparently when i was a little girl, i slapped a boy.

mum said i must've been about a year old when that happened.

oh yeah , i was one badass baby.

i think that must've been one of the most badasssss things i'd ever done when i was younger. definitely.

wheee. ;)

you think i'm pretty, without any makeup on.

2011-02-10T14:16:00.000-08:00

woke up and listened to Glee's Teenage Dream and some John Mayer songs.

for i don't know how many times.

and then switched on over to Corinne Bailey Rae. Played roof rats. released all the tenants and left only 2 blocks unmatched, which, is a new high score.

not sure why i'm doing this . hmm.

sweating in the kitchen since it hasn't got a fan, but that's okay.

gosh, i'm such a weird kid.

i wrote this for you.

2011-02-08T08:36:00.000-08:00

It's hard living in a world where everybody tries to define you,
especially when you have no idea how to define yourself either.

I hope, my daughter will never have to go through this. Or if she does, i hope she knows that nobody can tell her who she is and who she's supposed to be.
Nobody,

Not even me.

***

"Look at them! Half-blooded poor people," mumbled Gary*. "I can't believe they don't even have shoes to use to school." His sister watched from behind him. Just outside the old kampung house, a group of sunburnt kids walked barefooted back from the riverside, carrying fishing rods and a few small fish; probably for dinner. The scorching, intense heat made their backs glisten with beads of sweat. "Hey!" he shouted. "Caught some fish for dinner? When was the last time that mother of yours made any fish curry? My dad bought us meat from town. Never tasted that now have you?!" he sniggered. And if that wasn't enough, the brute boldly walked up to the youngest of the lot, barked an order at him to give him his fish , or he would hurt his siblings. Silently, he hung his head and with shaky hands gave up his catch of the day. The brute snatched it away from him, and deliberately smashed the bag onto the road. The youngest boy's eyes were welling up in tears, as he silently watched his fish drowning in air. The bully laughed , and as soon as the fish stopped moving, he spat on it, took one long, hard look at the little boy, and then walked away. Gary's sister paused momentarily, took out a tiny handkerchief from her pocket, placed it in the boy's hand, and then ran off to join her elder brother. The group of kids watched soberly with sad,hungry eyes and then walked obediently into the old wooden kampung house. It would be porridge and salt for them tonight, as usual. They were saving the fish for special occasions only.

*fictional name only

***

Having grown up with the love and care of their mother, they had never truly felt like they missed out on much. A single parent, Erma* had played both the roles of the mother and father for her children, after the heartwrenching news of her husband being sacrificed at war. Life was a struggle. Supporting her children on her measly allowance as a shopkeeper's assistant was a challenge that grew more difficult with each passing day, surviving on donations of old clothes and used textbooks from her neighbours' children. To make ends meet and support her finances, she had to work two jobs. By day, she was a shopkeeper's assistant. By night, after her children had been fed and tucked in bed, she transformed into an exquisite singer and cabaret dancer, well-known for her striking features. Erma was not the conventional beauty, but she possessed a certain quality that made you want to look back at her, and take a second look to observe her properly. It was probably because of her Eurasian heritage, an exotic fusion of two worlds so different. Something about her features were so remarkable. A pair of deep-set light brown eyes, a pert nose, wine-stained lips, and her ever-glowing complexion. No doubt, she drove most of the men crazy with her slim but voluptuous figure and her angelic voice. Ah but above all, she was an amazing actress, for she concealed all her feelings of disgust and shame for her night life. She was constantly waiting for the day she could gather enough cash to fully support herself and her children. And then, she would finally leave this place and go somewhere far away, filled with hope of brighter days ahead.

*not a fictional name

***

The two stories above are a personal interpretation of what I call the "hidden stories" of my families' lives. The first was my fathers' and second, from my mom's clan.

Dad grew up in poverty, in a quiet village located in Penang, and his family was one of the poorest. My Malay grandpa and Japanese grandma ( who was adopted by a Malay family since birth ) were farmers who worked from sun up to sun down in the lush green paddy fields. But they didn't have a lot of land, and sometimes relied on the river for fish.

Mum's family was poor too, but not too bad and not for very long. She hails from the Eurasian clan in Selangor, and my Grandpa was a hockey player for Malaysia, before working for TNB, and had an undeniable skill for mathematics. My grandma worked in the police force, narcotics dvision. Even though she had only form 5 education and was not a science major, in time and lots of practice, she learnt how to distinguish what drug addicts were hooked on . She even still remembers how to make aspirin. ( Hey I think I might be taking after her, judging by what I'm majoring in, =p ).

I'll elaborate soon, don't worry. ;)

As a child, I'd be fascinated by their tales of childhood, from both sides. They made a point to tell us the great stuff. Fishing by the river. Helping their parents out in the endless paddy fields. Playing hockey with kids in the neighborhood after school. Friends. Parties. How family life was so simple, so important to them. But as I grew up, I realized there were stories they didn't tell us.

Eurasian culture was (and still is) one of remembering good and bad. (It's also very humorous at times , especially when all the gossiping and jokes will start coming around). A lot of times, I choose to stay silent when they start storytellling because I can never get enough of what they have to say. Their stories of days long gone by. Of how my grandpa and his siblings worked hard so that they would be chosen in the Malaysian hockey team. To change their lives . Later on he dabbled in a bit of cricket as well. He thinks cricket isn't the same anymore, where it once used to be known as a gentleman's sport. But he never forgot his roots. He's always there to help out a friend or family in need. And sometimes, he'd even buy some food or snacks to give to some of the less fortunate kids around.

The story about my grandma is, she started working immediately after form 5. My great-grandma had only RM 84 ( RM ada ke masa tu? oh well, for convenience sake, let's just say it was ). She got her first job working in a pharmaceutical company dispensing drugs. At first she said the tasks were pretty tough and that the pay wasn't very much and that the people didn't give much of a shit about you. She still remembers the code used in order to make aspirin back then, which goes by the acronym APC, each letter representing a specific chemical. Initially, it was challenging. You'd have to continuously refer to specific tables in order to know how much of each chemical you'd require to make a certain drug. Papers would be scattered around the room after being blown away by the fan. But eventually she caught up and learnt the methods so well until she no longer had to refer to them.

Her first paycheck was about RM100 , but every month she'd give all her salary to her mum and receive only 30 cents on a daily basis for food. She'd have nasi lemak everyday for breakfast, which was ngam-ngam 30 cents. Then after a couple of years, she was transferred by the government to join the police force. That was where she started gambling with the officers and easily make about 4 or 5 bucks on a good day ( which, if you think about it, was pretty decent money. ) She was already married around this time, and must've been about 22 years old i think.

Again here, she told me that the pay was still pretty bad . And that you'd have to know who's who, like ranking and the person in charge. That kind of thing. Over the years, everything smoothed out. And she retired from the police force at 45 to use her pension money to support my aunt and uncle studying in Nebraska.

Now if there's something you should know, then i guess it'd have to be the fact that my grandparents were really, really strict when it came to education. If , say, the exam results were good enough then everything would be okay and you'd be given a treat to feel all hunky-dory, simply because you deserved it. If, the said exam results brought in were not up to satisfaction then my grandpa would personally take the report card and fling it out of the house. At first I thought he was fooling around when he said this, but my uncle told me that he actually used to do it. For real . The scariest incident by far was the one with with my mum when she didn't pass her SPM. When she rang up my grandpa in the office to tell him the bad news, he just didn't say anything. It was silence, and then after a minute or two he hung up.

Now get this.

He didn't say anything to her for a whole year. He just refused to talk to her, until she could pass her SPM.

After receiving calls from overseas in the wee hours of the morning, my grandparents would sit outside in the living room and light up a cigarette whilst thinking of ways to keep the money going. At this point, I think my grandpa was still an electrician working for TNB (back then known as LLN) . So yeah, you could imagine the massive headaches they would be getting , just from thinking about how to help my aunt and uncle.

My grandma practically pawned every piece of jewellry she had, except her wedding ring. They borrowed money from the bank, the ah longs, the cetis, from family members, you name it . They did everything they possibly could.

One year before my grandpa could retire, they managed to pay off the education loans . And just 2 years ago, the house loan was paid off.

My dad made it a point to return to his kampong as much as he could, even after he got into university, even after he started a family. And my mum is equally attached to her family as well. I'd always wondered why. I'm beginning to realize. The elders would pull me aside sometimes and tell me about how tough life was for my dad and his siblings. How other kids from a certain influential family would look down on them, because they were different, they were poorer.

Now, remember how I said I didn't know the hidden stories until the elders talked to me? Well it was because all the years, my dad, and my uncles and aunties never showed any bitterness towards those who had taunted them. What really moved me was that every year for as far as I can remember, he would give them a financial token to get them through the next few months, and yet these were the very people who had condemned him and his siblings many years earlier.

I'd like to salute my parents for teaching me forgiveness. By not telling me the bad past, they protected me from hatred or any bitterness until I was ready to hear about it. By making sure I kept close to culture and also constantly in touch with the poor and needy, I've seen the other side of life. The side away from cities, Facebook, money, and mad rush for worldly success. I've seen honest people work till their hands are scarred and hardened. In pursuit of comfort for their children. I've seen the lost, drunk in alcohol, lost in divorce. These dark patches of the past are opportunities for God's grace to overflow. Fact is, we need that, with everything going on in this world.

So even though I may not be ready to leave home yet, I take comfort in the fact that I've spent time with those who matter most to me. I've reached out, I've loved and I've done my best to be good even though sometimes my efforts aren't always enough.

And frankly , I wrote all this because I'm afraid of waking up one day and forgetting or losing my sense of appreciation for the little things before its too late. I don't want to forget, ever.

xoxo,

♥ nadia nicole.

taking the long way home.

i feel so barbie, ;D

2011-02-08T01:07:00.000-08:00

okayla , so maybe the streaks look brown in the photos, but i can assure you they are RED!

I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE MY RED STREAKS OH YESH I DO <3

Challenge 10: 1 picture of myself.

2011-02-06T17:59:00.000-08:00

See above ler, ;)

Challenge 9: 2 songs

2011-02-06T17:31:00.000-08:00

1. The Script-- For The First Time.

2. Michael Buble -- Save The Last Dance For Me.

Challenge 8: 3 films.

2011-02-06T17:19:00.000-08:00

1. Memoirs Of A Geisha.

2. Ever After: A Cinderella Story.

3. Breakfast At Tiffany's.

Challenge 7: 4 Books

2011-02-03T19:35:00.000-08:00

1. A Vintage Affair.

2. The Mercy Of Thin Air.

3. The Historian.

4. Pride and Prejudice.

Challenge 6: 5 Foods

2011-02-03T05:30:00.001-08:00

1. Sushi.

2. Bakso.

3. Baby kailan in oyster sauce.

4. Nasi briyani.

5. Devil Curry.

just watch her dance in the mirror (a non-challenge related post).

2011-02-02T00:09:00.000-08:00

Well, I guess its no surprise that I haven't been doing anything much these days. Its been an ongoing cycle of television and laziness. Its also really strange ( and sometimes annoying ) to have people telling me their different ideas on what to do and when to do stuff. I feel like a little kid again, because all i ever do is just sit down , shut up and listen . -.-.

I miss walking alone, I miss going on the bus listening to music, walking through the city and just observing people. And buying coffee and sitting in a bench somewhere. Or going on the CityCat on a Friday night.

And i know, eventually, I'll be whining about missing home instead someday. I know I'll regret all my complaining now. Just watch.

But sometimes, I just love being alone. I don't know if this is an only child syndrome, but for some reason, I just do.

Then again, home is awesome too. I can't complain that much. Reading novels till it gets later than late at night and chatting with the people I love. Sitting in my grandpa's car and watching the majestic trees along the road grace the skies high above, and watching clouds move in slow-motion. Sunny weather, stormy weather.Thunder. Spending time with family, and annoying them whenever I like.

Spending time with my new room. (new ka? ahaha. maybe a new old room.)

On another note, lucky thing i managed to habis ganti puasa before coming back home. Don't know if i could've resisted home food, XD.

I want to go outside- RIGHT now. But I'm afraid of walking the streets alone. Since coming back, it's been about four times i kena kacau. Eventually you get paranoid. Pak guard pun semacam je. Hmm, nak transform jadi laki sat bleh dak? Like Ranma. Because being a woman terrifies me sometimes. I hate it when they look at you like that. I hate it. Its creepy.

If you honestly respected your women, you wouldn't look at them like that. You know how many times i've been cat-called in Queensland? ONCE. And he was a drunk French guy. And that was the only case for the whole year, aside from the other mabuk guy at uni but that doesn't really count since he never actually said anything, he just followed me around for a while. And here I am in Malaysia, about two months home and i've been verbally harassed four times. Nak kata aku hot sangat, memang tak. More like a weird, freaky chick, which is way cooler. And more nerd ler. Haha, yeah seriously. I guess if i were hot, then things would just get even more chaotic than they are now. XD

Hmm, now suddenly kesian perempuan hot. Hehe. Padan muka , who asked you to be lawa sangat. (Lol, so tiba-tiba). I personally know and have seen a lot of beautiful women, and they get it harder than me. But then, takkan la kita mau suruh people to live with it? To accept such behaviour as a norm of our society? Maybe next time something like that happens, I should bring a baseball bat with me and whack the next dingbat on the head. Maybe they can accept that as a norm as well? ;p

But seriously though, no matter how many times it happens to you, you'll never get used to it. Little boys see this and grow up to treat women the same way. If we leave it like that, people are gonna think it's okay to treat women like that, when it's not. It's not okay at all.

This is the correct approach and how things should be if you're trying to win my heart.

Haha hebat tak syarat i, :p

Thanks Dayang for sharing the link!

Respect isn't so difficult a task anyway. Kalau perempuan suka, hidup pun aman. ;)

Oh yeah, mum wants me to eat more meat and less vegetables. Halp, ><. Speaking of mum, yes SHE'S BACK, :) . But its only 'cause its the holidays. Random dialogue while going through my photos:

mum: wow, a lot of photos you have here.

me: yeah i know. i take photographs excessively.

mum: wahh, got so many guy friends la you.

me: er, really? didn't realise wo, o.0

mum: so which one is your boyfriend?

me: ..MUM WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT, =.=. don't have one la.

mum: sure not? don't sombong too much with boys you know. careful you don't end up an old maid.

me: ma, i'm not sombong la. i'm just...shy. and picky. and difficult. and i have my impossibly high standards.Ta da.

mum: =.=

My mum can be scary, o.0.

I love how all my pillows smell like grandmother. Or maybe , its how my grandmother smells like all the pillows in this house. Either way, its all good.

xoxo,

♥ nadia nicole.

Challenge 5: 6 places you want to go

2011-02-01T21:45:00.000-08:00

1. Venice!

2. Paris!

3. Ireland!

4. New Zealand!

5.Omaha ! (since my uncle says he wants me to visit him there someday, ^^)

6. South Africa and Mecca, ;)

Challenge 4: 7 Wants.

2011-02-01T00:46:00.000-08:00

1. I want to end poverty and all wars in the world! ( Okay this is such a skema miss universe reply, but i mean it!)

2. I want to have better exam results!

3. I would like good health.

4. I want a good movie on a rainy day.

5. I would like to go dancing.

6. I would fancy a beanbag.

7. I would like to have all my dreams come true. If not all, then at least, the important ones will suffice, :)

Challenge 3: 8 fears.

2011-01-31T08:42:00.000-08:00

1. I have a very odd fear of drains. I can't really explain it . It just seems very threatening in my eyes.

2. I'm quite freaked out by balloons blown up to massive proportions. Matter of fact I don't even like to get involved with blowing balloons up, >_<

3. I'm obviously afraid of losing someone I love.

4. I'm afraid of getting stung by bees!

5. I'm scared of having oil splash on my hand or arm when I'm cooking something.

6. I have a fear of cracking my head open in case i fall down in bathroom while showering.

7. I have a fear of people catching me doing stuff I'm not supposed to do.

8. I have a fear of people hunting me down for things I didn't do.

Challenge 2: 9 loves.

2011-01-30T00:40:00.000-08:00

1. I love my family.

2. I love spending a quiet afternoon getting lost in a good book or two.

3. I love going on a shopping spree with money in my wallet. And not when I'm broke.

4. I love unruly, sexy , thick brown hair.

5. I love photography.

6. I love men who treat ladies the right way. With lots of respect, flowers, chocolates , movies and long romantic walks , you'll never go wrong. And chivalry never, ever goes out of style.

7. I love watching old movies, local or Hollywood.

8. I have a certain fondness for indie music, and finding new stuff that isn't hot on the market yet.

9. I love the name Ava for a girl. In fact love it so much, I just may name my first daughter that. Hehe, ^^

xoxo,

♥ nadia nicole.

Challenge 1: 10 secrets

2011-01-29T01:36:00.000-08:00

1. I wish I knew how to ride a Vespa. Wish I even had one.

2. (Not so) secretly, i fantasize and think that the songs Talking To The Moon and Dance In The Mirror by Bruno Mars were written especially for me, hehe, :p

3. I secretly get a kick out of watching people getting makeovers on YouTube.

4. It takes a lot to make me lose my temper. And when that happens, I'll usually give them the silent treatment and avoid contact with him or her at all costs. It would be safe to say that I would probably have zero tolerance for that person at first, but after a while, things will go back to normal. I don't hate for very long, :)

5. To a lot of people, I know I appear really sociable and expressive. But I'm actually a really shy and introverted person, so it takes a bit of time before i can start warming up to people. A lot of times, I like to be by myself. When you first meet me, our conversation is going to be awkward no matter what because I wouldn't have any idea what to talk about. But if you wait a little I’ll get comfortable talking with you. Then I’ll start talking so much that it’ll annoy you. I really do talk a lot. And then eventually, you’ll fall in love with me, ;).

6. I'm a sensitive person. Believe me the whole "I'm a big, tough girl and i can handle anything" stitch is a self-defense mechanism, because its possible for me sometimes to be affected and hurt by what other people think about me.

7. Sometimes, I wake up and wonder if I made the right choice by studying biotech. I love science, but sometimes I wonder what would've happened if i studied something totally different, like music, or history or accounting. Or if i had joined MAS and been a stewardess like my mum would've wanted me to. Hmm.

8. I'm a die-hard optimist, ;)

9. I used to whine and complain about having to for Ranger's meetings and perbarisan. Marching under the hot sun, cooking with limited resources and training the juniors. Lol. But now I miss all that. Like the rewards, that was the best part, :)

10. You know the indoor theme parks you find in malls? I think there shouldn't be any age limit! Its been so long since I've been in one. If i could have my way, I'd love to rent out the entire place and have some friends over so we could just hang out all day long and act like insanely happy children. Yeah, =)

xoxo,

♥ nadia nicole.

take a bite of my heart,

2011-01-28T11:21:00.000-08:00

starting tomorrow , :)

i wanna be a multi-billionaire, so freakin' bad.

2011-01-26T23:26:00.000-08:00

If I were a multi-billionaire, this is probably what my house would like:

Wait , house? Nah. I meant my mansion, a private cul-de-sac, ;)

From the outside, at least 5 security guards would be constantly ensuring the safety of my home. As you walk into the compound , a vintage Italian fountain greets you, along with a foliage of exotic flowers and an apple tree somewhere in the backyard. As you notice the contrast between the bold shades of each flower with the sky and the sweet smell of blossoms lightly wafting in the air, it resembles a classic summer home.

From the outside, the mansion would probably resemble a Tuscan home. I'm thinking of a pale ochre yellow ~~house~~ mansion, with sparkling white windows. As you walk in, the marble floors would be spotless. An impeccably shiny chandelier greets you, and floods the room with innumerable tiny drops of light. In one corner, a row of identical beautiful sofas where your body could just sink into, directly opposite a 40" 3D television . To make life even better, at the side of each sofa, you'd find a device that enables you to immediately call for the masseuse for a massage, or for the beautician for a mani/pedi (manicure/ pedicure).

Not forgetting, a fireplace lies nearby, providing immense warmth during winter. And to preserve that old world glamour.

Then you have the wood panelling , leading onto 700 m² garden. Yes, plant more trees! In fact, it would be nice to have an orchard with all kinda of fruits. It helps to do your bit for the environment, and green is sexy.

Furthermore, I'd love to have a stable for the horses. Every morning , horseriding in a large garden, ^^.

Okay, now moving on to the kitchen. Marble flooring again. Two fridges, one for raw uncooked food, and the other ready-to-eat items. The kitchen must have an ice-kacang machine. as well as a coffee machine to finely grind mocha beans, and plenty of boxes of soya bean. MUST. Haha. Then you have your walk-in pantry, where you can store rice, pasta, noodles, rempah's and spices. Everything in the kitchen and pantry must be compartmentalized so that things required will be easy to find. There will a wooden cabinet or a few shelves where you can store your cookbooks. Pots and pans must always be in their designated sections. If you want to make pau or dim sum, for example, you'll find your wok, bamboo steamers and other cooking instruments required in a particular cupboard. Materials needed for Malay style cooking and Eurasian style cooking will be in separate cupboards so that things will be more convenient and easy to find.

Plates will have a simple , patternless white design. I'd like to think that simple it sometimes the best way to go, =).

Now here's the best part. You know how much I like cooking, but dislike having to clean up after? Well, this mansion will have 3 maids, where one collects the dirty dishes, the other washes it, and the third one dries everything and puts it back in its original place. Dining table must be a simple round table, with a lazy Susan, so you don't have to stretch your arms to get a particular dish.

Need to workout after that meal? No problem. Head on downstairs by using the elevator just across the hallway or you could also use the stairs. (You can even slide down the banister, but this is not recommended due to the possibility of injuring a rather fragile body part, hehe).

Now downstairs, things heat up in the basement. You have a bowling alley in one room, in another you have a ball pool (you can swim in lots and lots of plastic balls here and no one can say no to you, haha) and a bouncy big trampoline . Right next to it , there'll be a section called the games room. Here, you can play DDR and also play arcade games like SEGA racing and Street Fighter. Raining outside just when you felt like playing football? Not a problem, with a little bit of virtual football .

Oh how could I forget the swimming pool? Well anyway, in the backyard, there's gonna be one with a swirly water slide and the other's gonna be a heated pool that also doubles as a hot tub. And also, there's gonna be a bar near the centre of both pools. The bar stools which are half submerged underwater gives you that tropical feel, and the bartender can make you any drink you want, any combination. You can even request for fries or ice-cream. All meals and drinks are to be eaten on the table only.

Now back to the basement, you'll have your own private theater. If you want the windows to go down or if you want to make the whole room dark, all it needs is a touch on the screen of a remote found on the side of one of the chairs. You can even make the tiny lights on the ceiling shine like a million stars. The best thing about the chairs is that its receptive to the movie you're watching . So if its an action movie you're watching, the chair actually vibrates and moves like you're in the movie itself . Hungry? You don't have to go all the way to the kitchen! Just outside the theater, there are jars of every kind of snack, sweet or savoury. You can have M & M's in one jar, Hershey's, marshmallows, and even an ice-cream machine next door. There's even a vending machine for any drink you might want. Even water, =D. Fun thing about the theater is that you can have your karaoke sessions there, and the walls are soundproof , so don't worry.

If you feel like working out, well, we can take the elevator up to the 2nd floor. With a beautiful view of the pool and the orchard outside, and all the latest gym equipment, exercising will be fun. Weightlifting, treadmill machine, you name it, we have it. There's even a punching bag and plenty of space for aerobics, ballet and dance exercise. They say mirrors enlarge the space in an area so yes, bring on the mirrors. But not too many. Just 2 big ones will do just fine. ^^. Need to work out the kinks in your body after gymming? Not a problem . Just across the hallway, you have your own personal spa. From full-body massages, to facials, to saunas, to acupuncture, its all there.

The mansion has about 12 bedrooms and 6 bathrooms, 5 are for staff, and 7 are gonna be for my family and I. Spare rooms can be for when my friends or my kid's friends are staying over. The rooms will all be on the 1st and 3rd floor. The adjoining bathrooms are clean, and spotless at all times. If I'm married by this time, then there will be a his and hers sinks and cabinets in the bathroom. So that my man ("Bill Rancic", ooh la la) and I don't have to argue for bathroom space. He won't have to complain about my stuff overcrowding the bathroom cabinet , and I won't have to complain about his things either. Not married yet? Not a problem. It just means more space for me, ;p. If you're going in for a mandi kerbau, you have a shower stall. If not, you could always take a bath in the luxurious bathtub that overlooks the deep green thicket of the orchard downstairs. For the total relaxation experience, jazz music plays softly in the air as you relax and refresh. And oh yeah, the toilets are automatic too. So in 3.5 minutes after your butt leaves the toilet seat, if you don't flush it yourself, it flushes automatically. To get rid of the obnoxious smell, an lavender scented air freshener will be sprayed.

Now about the master bedroom and all the other bedrooms ( the only difference here is that the master bedroom is slightly bigger than the others) . WALK-IN CLOSETS BABY, HIS AND HERS. As in, it has a walkway all on its own into a room, like secret hangout. One section will be strictly for shoes. The other for pants, the next for shirts, a drawer for lingerie, a compartment for jewellery, another compartment for perfumes, and the other for dresses. If you wanna get done up for a big night out, well, there's a dressing table for you to do your makeup and hair, complete with Hollywood lights. Tres chic. There are mirrors all around, so you can see your image from various angles. Helpful and convenient for questions like :

-- "does my butt look big in this?" .

-- "do these shoes look good with the outfit or should I try something else?"

-- "damnnnn who's that sexy chick?" (lolol akon, XD)

As for the bed, well, i'm thinking of the kind you find in hotels. The soft, clean, white and fluffy ones. Where you can just dive into and rest your head on pillows as soft as clouds. Oh and yes, the master bedroom has a fireplace as well. And in case you need some entertainment, there's a flat screen TV fitted into the walls . The lighting in the room can be adjusted from bright, to medium, to dim, to completely off.

And oh yeah, before I forget. I'm gonna make sure that my kids are gonna have an education in music, dance and art along with their other studies. So the 4th floor is the conservatory, the library, the study room and the art studio.Since the walls are soundproof, you won't have to worry about being too noisy or disturbing anyone. And of course a special section for the prayer room, for your every need. Where the sunlight is best.And if I don't have any kids by this time, its okay. Make like Angelina Jolie and adopt a miniature united nations.

so yeah, that's basically my dream home. =)

xoxo,

♥nadia nicole.

ps: all rooms are air-conditioned. hehe, :p

so what if....

2011-01-26T05:39:00.000-08:00

There's a superstition about lizards. If they land in your food, or fall on your back its considered good luck.

Well, last night I saw two lizards in my plate, together with fried fish, rice and sambal belacan.

Now before you get more excited , guess what?

It was only just a dream.

Haih.

Wonder if the same rule applies though, =/

good, bad and undecided.

2011-01-22T09:56:00.000-08:00

Situation: Dad doing office work in the dining room, me on the sofa surfing the net. In the living room, an action movie is blaring on the tv (because dad wants to watch some telly while in the midst of doing office work... or so it seems, :p ).

scene: the killer asks the cop to put his weapon down. killer shoots the cop in the knee.

dad's reaction: terkejut.

my reaction: as i was listening to some music with my headphones on, the song ''Rock and Roll" by Eric Hutchinson comes on. My what a happy song, for someone who just got shot in the knee. Hmm...

......

is it so wrong that suddenly i felt like laughing because the song totally doesn't match the seriousness of the drama going on, >.<

well anyway here's my (very subtle) ....

lol.

'Kay not sure what all that was about but suddenly I'm in the mood to jot down some stuff here. Jot jot jot. Jot jot jotty jot jot.

'Kay that was crap.

Moving on to non-crap matters, the cabinet for the kitchen area has finally arrived this morning. FINALLY. THANK GOD. Now i don't have to keep chopping stuff on the floor all the time, ><. Went out today in the sweltering heat to take some random shots of the house and the neighbourhood. The heat wave has been mighty intense lately, but having said that, all the sunlight is just surprisingly irresistible after spending most of the year in a place that's not as hot as this.

And speaking of hot, I think if its not extra spicy or if there isn't any chilli sauce, there's a lesser chance of me eating it. Of course this rule only applies to noodles, fish and chicken. Wouldn't dream of adding any chilli sauce to my vegetables or soups, ><.

And also, within this week, my outstanding achievements include:

-nearly falling down a flight of stairs when i was sweeping the house (the railing saved my life! ).

-nearly locking myself in the bathroom. >.<"

-putting my left eye through water torture when putting it under running tap water for about 2 hours because I thought my contact lens had disappeared somewhere in my eye. The next morning, after randomly rubbing my hand on the bed , I felt something tiny and dried up near me. For all I know it was there all along, but I just hadn't realized and kept panicking instead.

Very, very intelligent of me to put my left eye in pain before actually checking the bed, >.<"".

Sometimes, I wish that instead of using the keyboard on my laptop, I wish I were using the old-fashioned typewriter. So much more puas to hit the keys that way. I feel so static, robotic and boxed up for having to confine to the usual . Hey who knows? Maybe someday , someone might bring back vintage typewriters by implanting a usb port that can connect a typewriter to the computer.

....wishful thinking . lol.

Also, I've been hit by the shutterbug syndrome. At least, when all words fail, I have images left to express myself, ;)

xoxo,

♥ nadia nicole

ps: Tomorrow daddy's talking me out to Georgetown so i can get more shots of Penang, wheee. Awesome way to spend the Sunday. Pictures will be up once the internet speeds up, ^^

just my computer, good music and me.

2011-01-17T15:45:00.000-08:00

fun fact: i have quite a few drafts that go unpublished.

Anyway, i don't really have much to update at the moment . so i'll just talk about some of the music i listen to. Aside from the little virtual iPod you see on my blog, that is.

As I've said before, John Legend is pretty much a winner. And aside from his music, I fancy stuff from:

1. Carla Bruni -- Quelqu'un m'a dit (Album)

2. Jason Mraz -- Mr A-Z (Album)

3. Jay Chou-- November's Chopin (Album)

4. NeverShoutNever !-- Me and My Uke (Album)

5. The Scene Aesthetic-- The Scene Aesthetic (Album)

6. John Mayer -- Room For Squares (Album)

7. The Like -- Release Me (Album)

8. Zee Avi -- Zee Avi (Album)

9. Death Cab For Cutie-- Your Heart Is An Empty Room (Song)

10. Olivia Ong -- All her songs so far? Haha.

And as usual, just when you were having so much fun with the Internet, it of course, decides to take things slow. Real slow.

And also, I don't know if this is a good thing, but I'm thinking i might be starting to get slightly annoyed by Taylor Swift and Bruno Mars. One talks about her dating life in nearly every song, the other talks about how he would die for you ( i don't mean to sound unnecessarily literal , but honestly? stop , drop, roll over and actually catch a grenade for you? meh. too good to be true) .

Gosh, the way my back hurts now, its almost ridiculous.

Let's try sleep.

xoxo,

♥ nadia nicole

but you won't even notice , when she'll slip away.

2011-01-15T11:56:00.000-08:00

Tonight's remedy. He sings out all the right words when you need to hear it most.

Good morning Penang.

wake up kid!

2011-01-13T08:57:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a dream in black and white. I dreamt that I was by myself watching a horror movie that was uber gory, with plenty of violent death scenes . At the end I dreamt that the murderer tied a scarf around the news reporter's mouth, turned around swiftly, stared at me with eyes as dark as coal , and tried to come after me instead. Before waking up, I remembered the word "sihir" vividly.

Feeling extremely disturbed, my eyes flew open at 6.15 am and for a while all i did was lie down on my bed, crouched into a ball. Didn't get out of my bed till about 10 minutes later.

Its been more than 12 hours, and still i can't forget.

This is just crazy. And this is precisely why i am NOT getting any sleep tonight.

Determined to spend the early morning hours in the company of a good book.

YEAH.

xoxo,

♥ nadia nicole

reasons why i cannot ( or rather, simply don't want to, you decide ) sleep

2011-01-11T11:51:00.000-08:00

1. Reading Barney's blog. His mermaid theory is.... interesting somewhat. Lol.

2. Listening to Bieber. Eau crap.

3. Kinda wish I was in a quiet little restaurant with dim lighting and plenty of vintage posters, where you can just sit down, chill out, eat and play board games all day long, all night long.

4. Having said that, could I get a mocha latte, with soy? ^^

5. This is gonna sound so wrong but I've been having the song "I Just Had Sex" by The Lonely Island replaying through my head all day. Can't believe someone actually made a song out of it, XD. Pretty catchy though!

6. If you can pull yourself and find a hammock and lay all your worries away, talk into the night about things that may seem heavy today with people you never expected, for that split second that hot milo cup you're holding is all that you ever need, then I guess you know you've got a good life. It could potentially be a good life, only if you decide that you want one, only when you know you deserve one.

7. Sugar, oh honey honey.

8. Sambung baca novel la.

xoxo,

♥ nadia nicole

lulu.

2011-01-09T07:08:00.000-08:00

1. If I ever had a cat, she would be ginger and have greenish-blue eyes . A Persian cat. I'd name her Lulu. Not to be confused with lolo which means grandpa in Tagalog or lola which means grandma in Tagalog as well.

2. I love my security guard. So brave. And cute too since he wears such a sad face especially around lunch time. He travels from house to house the whole day. I call him my security guard because he likes to roam around the garden of the house next door and chase his tail. Yes folks, my security guard is actually a stray dog. Since no one lives next door, its good to know I've got some company anyway . But I wonder who feeds my poor boy, =s.

3. I want a life like Warren Buffett's.

4. I love my headphones.

5. Think I might spend the rest of my night reading my old novels. Wonder if I can pull an all-nighter after the sign on for BIOM 2011, at 4 am last night, ><

6. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I don't quite recognize the peculiar lady staring back at me.

7. No, Nadia you are not getting yourself a cat. Firstly, you're asthmatic. And, you'll be going off in about a month's time. Don't trouble your dad.

8. I want too many things don't I? Sigh.

9. Went to P Ramlee's house yesterday before shopping in Batu Ferringhi. I like it when people make it an effort to preserve houses. The wooden house had its floors lacquered, and everything was so shiny and clean. And it was his actual house! The house where he was born! The toilet was a makeshift kinda shed, and the bathroom was covered entirely in daun nipah. Seriously very dulu-dulu punya style. I love how they preserved even the tiny details so well.

10. Tonight its either Tale Of Murakami or The Witch Of Portobello. Don't know about the second one though, wasn't too keen about Paulo Coelho's work the last time, ><. Maybe I'll try again tonight. Or maybe Jane Austen's Northanger Abbey. Or something by Judith Arnold. Or something by Danielle Steele.

11. Hmm, nursery rhymes. You know, now that I'm older, i understand what they were really saying and it makes so much sense. Thanks mum! XD

12. " Day turns into night, night turns into whatever we want, we're young enough to say - this has gotta be a good life''-- Ryan Tedder

xoxo,

♥ nadia nicole.

grizzly, ;)

2011-01-06T14:27:00.000-08:00

When I was 12,

This was the guy of my dreams.

Lol yes, Casper in his human form. I used to get so excited waiting for this scene to come out on HBO everytime, ^^. I would never get tired of seeing that brooding face.

But now that I'm older,

Bill Rancic is as good as it gets.

Yes I know he's married, but what's not to love about him?

He's successful, he's dependable, he's patient, he's resourceful, so-open minded, he's determined and yes, not exactly the best nurse in town, but hey nobody's perfect. To top it all off, he's such a good looking guy, ^^. Giuliana is definitely one of the luckiest girls in the world! Hopefully one day I'll find my very own Bill, :).

And when that happens, I promise I'll be one heck of a Giuliana, ;).

xoxo,

♥ nadia nicole.

ps: in the event of fingers burning from the sting of chillies, simply rub plenty of salt and apply lotion. instantly cured!

misfit.

2011-01-04T10:06:00.000-08:00

"You don’t have to control your thoughts; you just have to stop letting them control you."-- Dan Millman.

There are some things about me you should know. When I'm shallow, I'm shallow. And when that happens, I have a tendency to be jealous of girls who :

are naturally beautiful (haha, you don't want to see me when i've just woken up. seriously, for the sake of your good health. )

have a flat stomach.

make silly faces and still look cute (i just look so... wrong.)

eat as much as they want but they don’t gain weight (so unfair!)

look cute in “hobo-ish” clothes (um yeah. i just look like a circus clown who just escaped.)

have flawless features (if i had a dollar for each drop of any cleanser I've ever tried, I'd be a billionaire!)

have no pimples/blemishes (read above statement.)

have beauty AND brains .

have nice arms. long, slender arms. (okay before I go on any further, let me just say I'm grateful I have arms at all. but heck, i wish they were more slender, all the time.)

Like I've said before. I'm being terribly shallow for some reason.

And I'm being such a whiner right now. But believe me, I've a natural talent for this, so sit back and relax.

And on a completely different note, if I could be really honest, i just want what she has. It seems as though she has it all so easy, like she has it all together.
of course, as an outsider, what do i know? I'm just saying that I'd love to be in her shoes.

haha, typical of me to ask for such crazy things.

But yeah, there. I've said it. Just pure, sweet, uncomplicated and simple in every way. Is that so difficult, or too much to ask for?

And i wish they would stop asking me the same damn question over and over again. Please, please stop. Heck, if i had an answer, i would've blurted it out at some point. But trust me, even i still haven't figured it out. All my life, people have always seen me in a certain way and it hasn't changed in anyway from the time I was in primary school, right until now.

Running, be it the actual thing or the metaphorical term, produces the best kind of high there is. Its like you're in this place by yourself, where nothing bad can ever happen. And if you keep pushing yourself a bit further and keep moving, nothing can ever touch you.

I really ought to learn how to trust people, and love myself more.

God give me strength.

Bagi yang tak merasa,

dan memandang sahaja,

memang senang berkata-kata.

ring the alarm!

2011-01-03T18:48:00.000-08:00

The two levels of alarm:

Alert tone - save your work, fold up your laptop, put your keys in your pocket, get ready for something to happen - BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP

Evacuation tone - leave the building NOW - WOOP, WOOP, WOOP, WOOP, WOOP, WOOP, WOOP, WOOP, WOOP

i somehow found this really funny when i was going through my student oh&s induction thingy.

YES NOW YOU KNOW JUST HOW BORED I AM.

grawr.

jian dan de ai qing (simple love) .

2010-12-30T04:37:00.000-08:00

A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart, and he'll give you his.-- John Grogan.

Sometimes , I really wonder why humans can't be more like that. I guess its because we're so complex and caught up in our own little worlds, that we forget the simple things. Think about it.

A dog has no use for fancy cars or big homes or designer clothes. His status in society means nothing to him.

A dog judges others not by colour or creed or class, but by who they are inside.

Its such a simple fact, and yet we humans, who are supposed to be more sophisticated and wise, have always, always had trouble with trying to figure out what counts and what doesn't.

Really makes me wonder.

Also I've realized that in 2010, things change. I've learnt about things I'm passionate about in my life, and to work for it and give it everything i have. I'm learning how to follow my heart, but at the same time I use my head. I've realized not every story has a happy ending. Sometimes you have to accept that the situation is really out of your hands, and that you just can't change things merely because you wish you could. But once you acknowledge that, eventually things will work out for you in... other departments, :). True friends stick by you no matter what, and so does God. Realized how important my family is to me, especially my parents, regardless of how complicated we all are. Nobody's perfect anyway. I love my parents for all they have done for me, because well, believe it or not, they're responsible for the person I am today, for the choices I make, and for the things I'd never thought I'd achieve. I don't say it enough, but thank you mum and dad, for everything. :)

And thank you 2010, for everything.♥ =)

So New Year's resolutions ?

To be less complex,

Smarter, faster and calmer.

Be a better cook and be more independent.

Be less stubborn and less hot-headed.

Be more daring and more confident.

And also , a little less broke, especially towards the end of the month, XD.

And hopefully find myself a Nikon, hopefully.

Happy New Year! =)

xoxo,

♥ nadia nicole.

two wrongs don't make it all alright.

2010-12-29T08:20:00.000-08:00

1. After moving the 80+ boxes by myself to the store room, i felt like wonder woman . hot damn, i have muscles now!

2. Finished cross-stitching today. funny how back in high school, i used to be pathetic at cooking, pitiful at woodwork, and an absolute disaster when it came to sewing.. anything really, XD. Now I'm a bit less pathetic when it comes to cooking (can you actually believe I'm rewriting by granny's cookbooks in an examination pad, lol) and a little bit less of a disaster in stitching. Can't say much about the woodwork though.. haven't handled a saw since 2005, >.<.

3. My God this place needs curtains. I only feel comfortable changing in the bathroom. I'll explain why I don't change in my own room in the following point.

4. Oh yeah, something freaky happened this morning. 2 men from a minivan and 2 other guys on motorbikes stopped in front of the house. The dude on the bike kept honking at the front gate, and so i rushed downstairs to see what was happening. Now, supposedly, the windows are supposed to tinted, so that other people can't see what's going inside the house. But I had a funny feeling the guy was staring straight at me. (See, its good to trust your instincts even though sometimes they can be a little off. Better safe than sorry, and better to chnage your clothes in the bathroom rather than in your uncurtained room. No free show here, sorry) .

Anyway, immediately after i suspected he saw me, i crouched down. And , 2 important things to note here:

(a) I wated to call my Dad and as him what was going on, but unfortunately I didn't have enough credit on my phone, and we don't have a house phone.

(b) I couldn't even open my door or gate to go out (not that i wanted to!) , because we only have one set of keys right now, and its with my dad. I don't have my set yet, =(

So yes, I hadn't any choice but to sit there in the living room, crouched. I thought i heard one of the guys mutter takut or something like that, but hey, i don't really care if my cover's blown . So long as I'm safe. After about 10 gruelling minutes, they took off.

My dad called me about 30 minutes later to ask me how i was doing at home and i told him about the 4 guys.

After asking him about it and describing the guys, he said he'd call me back in 10 minutes.

Turns out those guys...... were actually there to fix up some hi-def astro thing. Cheh. But then he told them to come around only when they checked with him beforehand. Phew.

5. I don't know about you, but one thing I seriously dislike is when I talk to someone, and you realise very soon they aren't even paying any attention to what you're saying. I'm not into half-hearted conversations, remember that. Don't waste your time and don't waste mine, thankyouverymuch.

6. FINALLY ALL MY PHOTOS ARE UPLOADED. YOWZA.

7. I found my big bear!

8. Let's hope tomorrow will be fine. ^^

9. no, not roses. orchids.

xoxo,

♥nadia nicole.

two things.

2010-12-26T00:52:00.000-08:00

1. The quickest way to put me to sleep is by playing with my hair, continuously .

2. I could really use a Nikon..

yet another one.

2010-12-24T07:38:00.000-08:00

For the record, I'm posting this from a very comfortable hotel room in Holiday Inn. Since there are four of us, and only 2 beds, I've decided to sleep on the floor. Which , really isn't so bad since its carpeted and I asked for extra pillows and a blanket, ^^. And my back feels really straightened out.

When I get down to tackling the issue of decorating my Dad's place, you know what I'm gonna do ? I'm gonna turn up the indie music on my computer up so loud, because we don't have any neighbours yet ( the area is still relatively new.. and pretty quiet) and also because a really, really quiet house kinda creeps me out.

I can't wait to turn this place around. =)

Next on the list will be to unpack all of Dad's boxes and put them in one room. Also, I need to find Mum and Nan's old cookbooks. And either pick up or Cantonese or Mandarin. I've been putting this off for far too long.

Of course, I'd still need to wait for my dad to allocate a specific amount before i get too excited and overspend, =s. I'd also like to spend a day or two watching old P Ramlee movies with him, =) .

Crap. It feels really hard to breathe all of a sudden. Why did i forget my inhalers, why? And now, since I feel scared of forgetting to breathe when I sleep, I don't think i can, ridiculous as it sounds.

Christmas Eve 2010, =).

Bong Natal & Bong Ana Nobu.

Cheers.

xoxo,

♥nadia nicole.

the smile that's on my mouth hide the words that don't come out . :)

2010-12-19T21:08:00.000-08:00

this is what my uni looks like at night. nice kan? :)

taken at Surfer's Paradise, Gold Coast.
such a pretty target.

Ferris Wheel at Southbank.

i'm not sure if this is Zac or Rafael. Still can't tell the difference between those two, XD.

Uncle Malik is the one on the left.

i actually have more recent photos , but oh well since I'm at aunt's place (again) which has super-fast internet I'll just upload the ones i already have, because its been a while since I've posted up any photos here, and get the rest from my iPhone later.

Also , I discovered that after going to my relatives' anniversary dinner, i am actually still kinda ketot, because when i wore the maxi dress yesterday, it kept sweeping the floor the entire time and i tripped (but didn't fall, phew) quite a few times as well. =,=.

And another thing. I don't think I've changed much since i was a kid. When I was 4 years old, my parents organised my birthday party at A&W with a bunch of other kids there as well.

Now here's the fun part. If you can correctly guess who was thoroughly mortified by the big brown bear prancing around in an orange jumper , and as a result stuck to her grandparents practically the entire time, then congratulations! You've just won yourself a year's supply of air, ;). Haha, and now I think of how all the other kids were bullying the ah bear, XD.

Lol, I guess what I'm trying to point out here is that, if I don't know who you are I'd generally tend to say hello and make a few polite remarks here and there. And then make my way back to where I was sitting down and quietly mind my own business.

And on a random note, i shall bake an apple and blueberry pie, one day.

Don't know if my dad's place has an oven though. But still I'd like to try .

yeah . :)

xoxo,
♥ nadia nicole.

I'd love to write a story, but i don't know where to start.

dolce far niente-- the sweetness of doing nothing.

2010-12-18T19:36:00.000-08:00

1. If there ever was a perfect song, i'd go with the song "humans" from

the scene aesthetic ♥

2. Also listening to Eric Hutchinson's Rock and Roll and Alphabeat's What Is Happening.

3. The song Ocean Wide by The Afters is pretty catchy too.

4. No One In The World by The Apples In Stereo is kinda cute.

5. Zee Avi's songs never go out of style, ^^ . Especially Poppy.

6. Sean Ghazi's Getaran Jiwa + Marcell's Denganmu and Firasat and Berhenti Berharap.

7. No P Ramlee , no syiok. The same rule applies to Ungu as well.

8. that and a stack of old songs from my old computer, =)

9. These days , I don't pronounce cereal as serial. I call it cheerial. Don't know why. XD

10. Think I might watch a Mike Myers movie right about now. ^^

xoxo,

♥ nadia nicole.

dream.

2010-12-16T09:18:00.000-08:00

I think I'm too imaginative for my good. Sometimes, I honestly wonder if its my dreams which are real and if reality was merely an illusion. You never know , right?

This place is a dream

Only a sleeper considers it real

Then death comes like dawn

and you wake up laughing

at what you thought was your grief.

-Rumi

As i sit here looking at the screen, I think of how each one of us has different stories. For example, my uncle i mentioned in my previous post. He's a very interesting man. My granny told me that when he was a younger, he was actually set on becoming a priest . He was a very quiet man, a good son, loving and kind. He was a devout Catholic. Then he met a very special lady. But see back then things were not so easy, especially since she was an equally devout Muslim. Even more since he was the eldest and the only son in the family. But he was willing to change himself for her, regardless of how trying it would be. It wasn't going to be easy, but he was willing to go through all of it, because he loved her very much. My great-grandmother was not very supportive of the union at first, but he was always her favourite and in a matter of time, differences smoothed out.

Its funny. When i was little , I used to gather that if one didn't play with sharp objects, stay out too late or walk in dark alleyways, then you wouldn't get hurt or die.

I was wrong. Death can come around even when you sit down, quietly minding your own business, I guess.

I'll miss his smile a lot. That old smile with those ever-knowing gray eyes.

On another note, its great to have someone to talk to, regardless of the age difference. I've been spending these last couple of days with my cousins and its been great spending time with the family. Sometimes people understand each other.

And, I should also mention that one thing I love about Kelana Jaya are the shops. You know. Little old, run-down , dusty grocery shops. And if you're lucky, they even come with shopkeepers who don't have a complete set of teeth and wear coca-cola bottles for glasses.

And in these shops, there are at least ten different things spilling out of five different shelves, which smells like dusty biscuits and old detergent. With dusty cement floors.

Which is what I love about it.

It's just another thing about home that you can't really find anywhere else. The authenticity, the nostalgia, the cheap 5 cents sweets and even cheaper celebrity magazines.

Till next time, when i have more words to fill this space with,

xoxo,

♥ nadia nicole.

In Your Loving Memories.

2010-12-15T19:53:00.000-08:00

My grand-uncle passed away at 3am this morning.

It was sudden. But you've suffered long enough. We'll miss you very very much, uncle Malik Scully.

Al-Fatihah.

say yes to the dress.

2010-12-11T18:58:00.000-08:00

1. Mum's old cheongsam, which she gave to my aunt who then gave it to me after her garage sale fits me. Neato.

2. I'll be a babysitter one more time from the 12th to the 17th, ^^.

3. Catch Me If You Can is one of the best movies. Ever. Frank Abagnale Jr's a genius.

4. Amazing how the movie was actually based on real life events.

5. Vampire Knight is really really good. Finished watching Kaichou Wa Maid Sama. Thought it was kinda typical.

6. Starting to read Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles. Used to watch the series back then on Animax but somehow I lost track.

7. Going to restart How I Met Your Mother.

8. I have already planned what to get once I'm back in Penang. Batu Ferringhi here i come! :D

9. I can't find my copy of My Fair Lady, =(

10. I know I should shower now, but the truth is I'd rather jump in bed and stay there in front of the laptop, ^^.

11. One reason why I haven't found the red dress I've been looking for so badly is because I'm picky. It has to classy but simple, not overdone but not too plain, not too expensive and just the right cutting and shade. So , i guess I'll just wait for Penang shops to impress me, before I can say yes to the dress, ^^ .

xoxo,

♥ nadia nicole.

thrilling.

2010-12-10T02:55:00.000-08:00

Was reading Vampire Knight in the dark today.

Fuh. Now that's what you call a full impact, XD

i may love petrichor, but i love this even more, =p

2010-12-08T05:05:00.000-08:00

1. Mmmm corned beef and chilli sandwiches for dinner.

2. Going to Mid Valley tomorrow! Hahaha I really did it, i can't believe this! My persuasion tactics were successful, and I got the phone number of a taxi cab company. I'll be out the whole afternoon happily strolling around and shopping , ^^. Targets include:

1 pair of jeans (the right cut)
1 denim jacket
SHOES (notice how i didn't set a fixed quantity here. :p. Max limit: 4 pairs)
La Senza ( oh how badly I've been missing this one)
ANIME.
Shirts (hmm.. maybe about 3 will do. Saving up for Penang, ^^)
Bloody hell I need a new handbag. My favourite one is starting to fray off the straps, >.<)
TOP-UP!

And of course:

MY RED DRESS. =D

*the only catch to the story is that I have to be home by 5 pm , tops. so the strategy is to wake up early (considering the adrenaline rush i'm having at the moment, i don't think that should pose too much of a problem) and that way I can take my own sweet time browsing through stuff, ^^ .

3. Found a colossal stack of old movies I used to love watching back in high school. All of them got moved to my grandparents place because my granny loves staying up till its really late in the company of her portable dvd player and my grandpa snoring away.

4. If my predictions are right, it will rain very soon. Like in a couple of hours from now.

5. I AM SO EXCITED ! FINALLY A DAY TO MYSELF BACK HOME! I FEEL SO POWERFUL ! :D

going off now to start my DVD marathon.

Fruitcake, signing off!

xoxo,

♥ nadia nicole.

that's what you get for waking up in vegas.

2010-12-06T19:41:00.000-08:00

.

i need more of it than you can possibly imagine. because it feels slightly irritating having people telling you how you ought to be spending your time and telling you what to do , after being able to make those choices yourself for more than half of the year.

so just how adaptive are you to change?

blue candy floss.

2010-12-06T06:24:00.000-08:00

1. I've never seen blue candy floss before. i've seen pink, purple and possibly orange . But i don't remember seeing blue ones. I'd like to someday.

2. Okay so right now, the neighbours behind my house are blasting some hip-hop music really really loudly for some reason i don't wanna know, :s

3. I might actually start watching Pirates Of The Carribean tonight. Maybe.

4. Someday, I'd love to have 50; and more. Its a story I wish I could have too.

5. Keep guessing because I'm not telling you what number 4 meant. ;)

6. My current pursuit is to find a day and time where there'll be transport that can take me to the nearest mall good enough for me to stop and look at things by myself. Just me ,walking around in a big mall. Or wherever the wind may blow me to. Just me, a good pair of shoes, a pair of eyes hungry for life and John Mayer on shuffle would give me bliss.

7. Of course, I'd first have to convince my grandparents. ><

8. I love finding old novels I used to read when I was younger. Its like seeing an old friend, =) .

9. Am I weird because I only like 4 songs from The Beatles? Girl, All You Need Is Love, Across The Universe, and Let It Be. Their other songs don't have the same effect on me, i don't get the same rush. :s

10. Sometimes I wonder if at night, our reflections stare back at us, watching us fall into deep slumber, wishing that they were somehow on this side and not the other (where they are) . Like the looking glass, only unlike Alice, they can't step through. They can only wish.

11. I want to write a story here someday, but I don't know where to start. Because I really have nothing clever to write to impress you with.

12. Try using a British accent to speak Bahasa Melayu. Bam ! =D

13. Green shoes. Red shoes. Anything but black shoes.

14. I absolutely love Garance Dore! Her stories and her posts are so much fun to read. It reminds me of all the things I ought to do and places I'd love to go to before I die, =).

15. Saya suka gosok gigi saya. I think it became a habit for me to brush my teeth after each meal since i started using braces.

16. I'm not a very good observer, but I try my best. Life goes by too fast sometimes, that i find the need to catch it, hold the life clock and set it to rewind. I don't intend to live knowing that I'm just passing through moments. Because that way, I don't think you could really call it living now could you?

* * *

like a sip of hot coffee on a rainy Sunday morning. like popcorn at a romantic movie. like dancing to the Hairspray soundtrack on the kitchen floor. like running wild on the Carribean beach. like that gush of wind that blows against your skin. like speeding on a freeway. like walking alone with your trenchcoat, on a street of lights. like laying down on a valley of daffodils. like staring into the sky trying to etch constellations. like for a second you had wings, and you flew out the door.

you can't see the other side, you have no expectations of what might be. just mere chances and possibilities. but it feels good, you wish the feeling could stay just a little longer. you wish you could live in the moment forever. and that would suffice. you can't stop smiling, though it aches. you can't stop laughing though it hurts.

you feel free, :) .

ciao,

♥ nadia nicole.

they'd box me up, and tell me to change.

2010-12-01T09:29:00.000-08:00

1. Some think I've gotten taller.

2. Some think I've gotten tanner. (finally.)

3. Some people think I'm looking more East Malaysian nowadays (that's a compliment right there. i didn't get that as often back then. lol. means i must be improving in the looks department, ;) )

4. My dad wants me to sign him up for a Facebook account. Yes? No? Yes? No? Yes? No?

5. Yes?

6. No?

7. My younger cousins do not like the Bieber. YEAH!

8. I had one freaky dream last night. It was one ridiculous, freaky dream.

9. I'm getting addicted to Darren Hayes' Insatiable. Again. Was a bit hooked onto this song a few years back.

10. I absolutely adore my Kindle i got as an early Christmas present from my uncle and aunt in the States, :)

11. live dangerously.

12. apparently too much terung is not a good thing. its acidic. says the granny.

13. so now even an overdose of veggies a'int so grand now i guess.

14. dad it may not always seem like this, but i love you more than i love winning an argument.

15. i tell you that you look the same, but i haven't failed to notice the creases appearing around your eyes. crow's feet. they've become more prominent now, haven't they? but of course, i don't tell you any of this.

16. thank you for driving me around town today, :)

***

So, I've been thinking. Actually, I've been thinking about this since my flight on Sunday. How was the flight? Well, to encapsulate it in one word: turbulent. And because of this I kept waking up practically once every 2 hours. It was either because the flight was bumpy, some old fart started sneezing uncontrollably or because some baby was practically screaming his (or her) lungs out. Nadia was not happy! And turned into a grouchy kitten! So yeah, i just kept staring out the window and thought about some stuff which happen to me in my life that have been proven true, always.

For instance, a person who may be nice only to you may not necessarily be a nice person.

and friends whom you have to impress are not your true friends.

living away from God is empty, regardless of how hard you try to make it whole.

and also if you live your life merely for attention, you clearly don't have much of a life to begin with.

Therefore,

No matter how brilliant, how talented, how downright cocky or how brainy you are-- at the end of the day, if your heart is rotten, then what's the point? You become worthless. So I guess what I'm trying to say here is be not only smart, be wise when it comes to choosing your friends. Because you'll never know when the tables turn, and by then it'll be too late to distinguish between who'll be waiting to claw you apart and bring you down and who'll really stand by your side when something major happens.

My personal belief is that your best friend is the reflection you see in the mirror. At the end of the day, the only person you can really depend on for anything is yourself. Where I give me all of me. I don't tell you all my secrets. And honestly, I don't expect you to tell me all of yours either. I tell you that which I've only chosen to say. But the truth is, you've only scratched the surface. There's a lot about me I still haven't told you, believe me.

A girl's gotta have a little mystery after all. It makes things more exciting that way. Don't you agree? ;)

But anyway , back to the point I was making earlier. Ada akal, maka guna. But always keep in mind that what has always been and will always be the most important thing in this game is your heart.

Always, and all ways.

So use your head and follow your heart.

But then sometimes, there are days where you think mind over matter isn't gonna be happen .

It has been exactly 9 months and 8 days since I've been away from home. And now that I'm back, i can say there are a few things that have changed.

I think its possible that I've lost a sense of appreciation of what's current. of what's now, of what's here and what's living.

If you want to talk about being scared,

we can go all the way back to when my SACE exams were about to begin. About a year ago, actually. My mother left for Melbourne just one week before my exams. I could have seen her off at the airport. I could have easily asked my dad to take me to the airport to see her off. But she vehemently refused . She said she refused to let me get distracted from my studies. The most I got was a phone call two days before her flight. I remember how restless of a soul I was in my room that night. She left home when I felt I needed her most . When I was sick with worry, nerves and apprehension, she'd packed up and left. And I never felt more alone. Like my best friend had suddenly gone somewhere very, very far and I'd never see her again.

And I'm also scared that I'm not being a good enough cucu. A part of me feels immensely guilty that I need to leave home in about 3 months, which i know will pass by in a jiffy before I know it. What's going to happen when I'm not around or near them? So much has changed this year. My favourite grand-uncle, who always remembers to get me something nice and asks for me all the time, has recently been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He's lost so much weight and now , he can hardly lift a glass of water. The chemo treatment sometimes makes him cry because it gets too painful. So you see, I'm scared of the many things I'll miss once I go away. I'm scared. Because I know what it feels like to get left behind.

If you want to talk about injustice,

you can talk about the countless times my grandparents have bought 4D, Toto, Magnum and Da Ma Cai. And you can talk about the unending amount of near misses, by a digit or two. Its unfair how high they place their hopes on winning only to get disappointed by the final outcome.

you can also take a good look at my daddy. no matter what anyone says, he's my superhero. he knows how to cheer me up when I've been having a rough day. he rarely complains. he's a very quiet man. he always drives me around wherever I feel like going. he's incredibly optimistic.

but i think its unfair how he's become such a workaholic , just to keep himself occupied. its kinda sad that this is happening here, when its the complete opposite with my mum.

and if you want to talk about being lost, well, look no further but to yours truly.

the price of being a rarity is that you won't completely fit in anywhere. of course, i consider it a privilege to be mixed. my face will never fail to confess to the world that i come from a long-line of very open-minded lovers. And you can relate to different people in so many ways. So its a benefit that you see the same things from various aspects.

but sometimes , you feel like you'll always be somewhere halfway. in-between. Neither here, nor there. Always a little ambiguous.

Like you'll never find anyone completely the same. So that's why sometimes, or actually, most of the time; I prefer to be by myself, eager to just believe it will suffice to be who i really am. Regardless of the uncertainty that forever lies ahead.

***

if you finally decide to tell me that everything would be just fine, i would have taken your words and i might end up just fine.

but you never did.

you said it was my life, my choices to make, my own mistakes to dwell on, and my own self to answer to. you told me to do the things i love and to find ways to make myself happy. and because you did what you did, i know i am going to be just fine. i guess you knew me that well, even from back then.

and this is what its really all about.

credits go to tumblr for the beautiful artwork. :)

ps: love me when i least deserve it, because that's when I'll really need it.

xoxo,

♥ nadia nicole.

An Update From The Laziest Girl In The World ♥ !

2010-11-26T01:00:00.000-08:00

1. Subjects I will be taking next semester (decided to sort that out asap because I'm not too sure I'll be getting stable internet access back home) :

BIOC 2000: Biochem and Molecular Biology
BIOM 2011: Cell and Tissue Biology
CHEM 2002: Biophysical Chemistry (hehe, never thought I'd be dealing with a 3 in 1)
CHEM 2050: Chem Reactions and Mechanisms

2. Which is why I'll be slacking off as much as I can before crazy hectic life restarts itself ! =D

3. Am looking forward to the yong tau foo date in PJ, as well as AusMat Homecoming & Spring Fling at INTEC!

4. The four books I would love to spend my 3-month break catching up on :

-The Lace Reader

-Sense and Sensibilty

-The Snow Queen

-The Mercy Of Thin Air

5. I will miss my room here !

6. After bathing, I usually spray perfume on my hands and on my neck . Its become a habit.

7. I even spray my pillows with it.

8. I could use dinner now.

9. Tune in later. ;)

Christmas shopping done! =D

2010-11-24T04:52:00.000-08:00

I think all the lifting and carrying of the shopping bags earlier today has enhanced my arm muscles.

Oh joy!

My back hurts like crazy though.

Meh.

surprise, surprise.

2010-11-23T02:58:00.000-08:00

dark hair + fair skin+ red dress = win.

i shall therefore be on the hunt for a red dress. that's what i'll get myself once i get back, i think.

yeah.

Nadia Nicole, Deconstructed.

i live for glitter not you ;)

change.

release.

funny girl.

=)

You Made My Day! =)

why can't this happen before i sleep?

and if you wanna get smart for the sake of your heart, you should own your name and stand up tall, =)

it so happened that...

:O

my pot of gold.

don't tell anyone, but..

so watch me dance in the mirror, dance.

Small But Far From Fragile.So underestimate me if you want..I don’t have to prove anything to you :)

then you go and cut me down, but wait.

only when i'm bored.

but , i'm a happy girl... i think?

a post with one question.

the remedy.

this could actually be a good life, only if we want it to be.

crazy on a Sunday night ^^

the story so far.

its been a while hasn't it?

oomph.

sabar je lah.

thoughts that go through my head when i'm having my period.

a beautiful rainy Saturday.

livin la vida loca.

pedih.

been thinking.

come on let your colours burst.

hmm..

no one, no one, no one, can get in the way of what I'm feeling.

fall apart or hold on tight.

let's go slow dancing one day, you and me.

oooh so badass.

you think i'm pretty, without any makeup on.

i wrote this for you.

i feel so barbie, ;D

Challenge 10: 1 picture of myself.

Challenge 9: 2 songs

Challenge 8: 3 films.

Challenge 7: 4 Books

Challenge 6: 5 Foods

just watch her dance in the mirror (a non-challenge related post).

Challenge 5: 6 places you want to go

Challenge 4: 7 Wants.

Challenge 3: 8 fears.

Challenge 2: 9 loves.

Challenge 1: 10 secrets

take a bite of my heart,

i wanna be a multi-billionaire, so freakin' bad.

♥nadia nicole.

ps: all rooms are air-conditioned. hehe, :p

so what if....

good, bad and undecided.

just my computer, good music and me.

but you won't even notice , when she'll slip away.

wake up kid!

reasons why i cannot ( or rather, simply don't want to, you decide ) sleep

lulu.

grizzly, ;)

misfit.

ring the alarm!

jian dan de ai qing (simple love) .

A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart, and he'll give you his.-- John Grogan.

Sometimes , I really wonder why humans can't be more like that. I guess its because we're so complex and caught up in our own little worlds, that we forget the simple things. Think about it.

A dog has no use for fancy cars or big homes or designer clothes. His status in society means nothing to him.

Really makes me wonder.

And thank you 2010, for everything.♥ =)

So New Year's resolutions ?

To be less complex,

Smarter, faster and calmer.

Be a better cook and be more independent.

Be less stubborn and less hot-headed.

Be more daring and more confident.

And also , a little less broke, especially towards the end of the month, XD.

And hopefully find myself a Nikon, hopefully.

Happy New Year! =)

Small But Far From Fragile.
So underestimate me if you want..
I don’t have to prove anything to you :)